Why Nobody Tells the Truth
by Challopea
Summary: Post Titan War. Fujoshi OC tried to interview scout legion members and to get the 'truth', the truth about their relationships, the ones that she firmly believed in, out of them. Cannon characters-everyone who survived the war. Poking fun at Fujoshi culture and Yaoi fan fics.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

'The people deserve to know-we deserve to know.' Tory Rangner claimed with one hand put up to her heart and the other pounding on the desk of her boss.

To her surprise, he agreed, without referring to any of the letters Tory just handed to him. A huge pile of them from the beloved readers of their little Paparazzi magazine.

He did not need to read the letters to know the content. He knew their readers. He bet the most popular question was about the color of the Heichou's underwear. The second, brief or boxer, which one did Eren prefer.

Other popular questions included but were not exclusive to, how did the Heichou and Eren carry on their secret affair? Who was the top and who was the bottom? Any BDSM? Role playing? How about the rumor that the Heichou loved cross-dressing, and Eren prefered him in pink panties with laces? Or was it the vice versa?

Eren's marriage and kids, who cares? That poor woman was obviously just a sham. A beard. Necessary to protect Eren's political career and to prevent the stupid mass from boycotting the mega manufacture comglomerate-Hange-Rivaille Group.

'Go! Interview them. Get them to talk. Get as much details as possible. The more horrid the better!' Tory did not need to do any persuading. All her homework was wasted. Her boss just handed her a 3-inch notebook and a new box of pencils, and was more than happy to send her on her way with a big swat on her back.

Well. Convincing her boss was definitely the easiest part. Things turned quickly down south afterwards. The problem is that-she was not able to get through and talk with anyone.

The security guys at the Hange-Rivaille headquarters threw her out before she could sneak in. She staked out across the street for two weeks and was still not able to solicit one casual comment from any employee. Come on! What world is this? Nobody gossips about their bosses any more?

Her luck with the congress was not any better. She could not even get a Press' pass. 'I am sincerely sorry but Paparazzi does not fit the definition of "press" ', the press liaison, a beautiful petite blonde lady in her early 30s, turned Tory away before she could even hand in her application for press pass. 'We are only giving out passes to journalists who are interested in the social reform and Congressman Yeager's upcoming campaign for re-election.' The woman said in her angelic voice.

Her attempts to get into the headquarters to the Scouting Legion did fare slightly better. At least she managed to make through the front gate. All thanks to the fact that as a living relative of a fallen colleague, she had access to the ears of a ranking officer at any time.

The nice lady at the reception desk was surely eager to help her. But she joined the Legion less than 3 months ago, and had never met any of the legendary heroes. All the surviving members who were part of the Final Titans War had either retired or started new careers somewhere. Some joined Eren Yeager on his political campaigns. Some went to help Hange and Rivaille with their forever growing business empire.

'Sssee, if you were here a biiit early, you could have meeet General Aleerrt. Heee quuuiiitt four monthie agooo' The nice lady told her with lots of sympathy, while munching on a piece of freshly baked potato.

Well, she should not say it was all bad luck. She did manage to talk to one of them. General Jean Kirsten. The new commander of the Military Police. His secretary was shoving her out of the door when he heard all the commotion and came out for a look.

'Are you kidding me？I always have time for a distressed young lady as beautiful as you. I am all yours. Talk as long as you want'.

After apologizing to her, he escorted her into his extravagant office. His secretary refused to give in, and shouted behind them in a very loud voice, 'Sir, you have a meeting with the Generalismo NOW!'

'I am almost 35 and I need a wife. The Generalismo is going nowhere and he can wait!' Commander Kirsten shouted back in a even louder voice and shut the door right into his secretary's face.

That was not a very promising start and neither did it go well afterwards. The problem was that unlike all the others who refused to talk, Commander Kirsten just talked too much.

She had a list. A list of questions that she carefully compiled from the letters of their readers. But she was not able to go through any of them because the Commander just went on and on about his great deeds and heroic battles. Things that everybody already knew and nobody was interested in. The Military had already made him the commander of the Military Police. Wasn't that enough? She did not need him to tell her. Her readers did not need him to tell them.

What they wanted to know was the important questions. Like the ones on her list. But she could not even squeeze in the simplest one, Question #351, the one about his boxer-her readers had already decided that Jean had to be all about boxers.

But stripes or checkers, which one was his favorite?

That was the question her readers could not decide upon. There had been several serious fights among the fans and some pretty gruesome casualties-35 missing faux nails, 27 strands of pulled hair and 13 torn skirts. And 13? What a terrible number! It felt like doomsday for all the Jean/Marco fans when the news came out.

Well, that reminded her of the question she was afraid to ask. Question #17. The question that made her heart bleed. But every cell of her body just screamed that they wanted to know. How did he survived all these years without Marco? How could he ever satisfy himself without Marco's hot body thrusting against his? Did he wank himself to sleep with Marco's image in his mind every night?

But she did not get any of her questions answered.

The day was getting darker, and there was only a dim light from a desk in a far corner. The air in the room got weird. Very weird when the commander's face moved closer and closer. So close that she could feel his breath on her lips. She had to stand up just to avoid their lips touch and left as soon as she could, but not before the Commander could get her home address and her office number.

The afternoon was a complete waste. All she got out of it was a semi marriage proposal and dozens of red roses delivered to her place every day. It was not that she did not want to be his sham wife. In person, the commander was even more handsome than his fans claimed.

But not Jean Kirsten. The forever mourning widower was absolutely taboo material. Ever since the death of Marco Bott, he, though still alive, was pretty much wrapped around in a shroud and put on a shrine, a shrine sacred to Marco and all the Jean/Marco fans. Were she ever to marry him, they would storm their little publishing house and tear her into pieces.

But even without anything real, the next issue of their magazine did soar up in sales like in 10 times with her little article about the personal encounter with the Commander, and a couple of twists to the anecdotes he dropped here and there about his adventures with Eren, Armin, and the old Commander of the Scout Legion, Erwin Smith.

It was not much, and she used very vague words and mostly just innuendos. But it did help with the sales. A Lot.

The roses did stop coming.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

No matter how humbling it was, that was the only bright spot in her quest of six months to get the truth. For the rest of the time, her poor little magazine still had to go back to fill the pages with racy fan-fictions and R18 Dojinshi strips.

Like now, to make the deadline, Tory had to go through thousands of fan fiction stories sent in by their readers in a couple of days. Ereri or Rivere. Eruri. A few were about the rarer pairings like JeanArmin or ErenArmin. Most were at least R18. Quite a few had big warnings like PWP or Pure Smut stamped right at the top. Anyway, lots of cum and fluff and other not as mentionable stuff.

The problem was that 99% of the stories were eerily similar to each other. Most of them would not matter if the main characters were replaced by any other pairing. Some were apparently stripped from classical works-hetero erotic romance stories-and just had the character names and body parts replaced. This made her job even tougher because she had to weed them out to avoid being sued. She started to regret brushing those hetero stories away for not worthy of reading back in high schoo.

A couple of the stories did stand out. Like the one about Levi, Mike, Erwin and Hange. It was a steaming piece of 4P. Even more racy than the gang-bang piece on Levi. It was only that it got Hange's gender wrong and had her down as a girl. The other problem is that Eren was only a voyeur. No wonder her boss shook his head and kept on saying no to the piece.

They had to send a feedback letter to the author and asked her to leave out Hange and swap Eren in so they can avoid a uproar from their readers. Make Hange the peeping Tom, and she can appear with a sketchbook or even a video camera in her hands. The readers will just love it.

By the end, Tory was so tired. Too tired to go back to her own little place, lonely, dark and cold on a long winter night. She felt so miserable that she almost regret turning down Commander Kirstein's offer-if she had not, the least she would have was roses waiting for her, at her home.

Frustrated, she took the long roundabout to Trost and visited her grandparents' house. The place was so much cozier. A nice warm fire burning on the hearth, and nice warm soup churning on the stove. A pair of grandma and grandpa with all the patience in the world and the most loving smile while she went on and on about her trouble at the publishing house.

'Aren't you working on finding out the truth stories about some very important people?' her grandpa asked, while trying to recall from their last chats.

'Yep. But all those people either are working for congress, the Hange-Rivaille Group,' Tory sighed, 'the two places in the whole world I just could not find a way to get in...'

'Hange and Rivaille?' her grandma's face went all brightened up, 'you want to see them? Why don't you just say so?'

'Hange and Rivaille!' her grandpa nodded, 'The Hange and Rivaille we know? Ever since Hange came to give us the news about your aunt Ilse, they drop by now and then, and often with gifts.'

'Just to make sure that everything is ok and see if there is anything we need from them. Remember the time your grandpa was in hospital to fix his prostate?' her grandma added.

'They came to visit at the hospital and made sure that I get the best care. After their visit, even the best doctors came by to ask about this and that.' said her grandpa.

'Oh, yes. Even the head surgeon stopped by and asked us 'to put in some good words with the big bosses' since there was an opening at the director's level,' her grandma commented, her wrinkled up face filled with pride.

'They also picked up the bill. You know how worried we were. Hospitals these days are so expensive. There was no way that we could afford the surgery without their help.' her grandpa nodded, 'Hange and Rivaille, that very nice couple!'

'Couple? Hange and Rivaille? You guys are wrong! How could they be a couple? Rivaille is in a secret relationship with Eren. He was an ex-lover of the his old Commander, Erwin Smith. There is no way he could fall in love with a woman! Unless, unless, the rumor is right and she is a transvestite. But then again, he should be in this relationship with his old assistant Moblit.'

Deeply shocked by her grandpa's bold claim, Tory had to stand the ground and make sure that her grandparents know the Truth. Hange and Rivaille? A couple? That was pure blasphemy and had to be corrected.

'They might be always by each other's side, but that is only because they are business partners for life.' Tory dutifully recited the Truth, Canon #7, that every fan of the Scout Legion knew by their heart.

'Oh my God!' her grandma's jaw dropped.

'Oh, man. Young people of these days. What do they think?' her grandpa shook his head, and started to pull out his pen and a piece of paper.

'You have got to go to see them. You have to. Please do go to see them-see for yourself! You will see how much they love each other and the way they hold each other's hand...' her grandma took her hands into her palms and almost begged her.

To her surprise, Tory did not need to wait for long to see Hange and Rivaille. A couple of days after her grandpa mailed his letter out. They got Hange's reply. In the letter, she wrote:

'It is always a pleasure to comply to a request from the parents of a fallen comrade. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to show our appreciation by being of any assistance to her family members. The spirit of inquisitiveness runs deep in the blood of your family. The Scout Legion will never forget how much we had benefited from it. Now it is our turn to oblige to the same nature in the beloved niece. With this letter, she can approach anyone from the Legion, now or past, and they will answer any question she wants to ask.

Yours sincerely,

Hange

In the name of the beloved blue and white wings'


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hange's letter worked like magic. It opened every door for her. She was even able to secure an audience with the Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister had lost an arm in the war. Years of life in the military and then in the politics had taken its toll on him. His blonde hair was almost completely white and his face was rugged with lines of hardship.

Overall, the fearsome warrior who brought the downfall of the Titans and old regime and rebuilt the state from scratch turned out be a quiet gentle old man with heart warming smiles. But that was not what surprised her.

What truly surprised her was that she did not see Armin! Ever since the nice lady at the Scout Legion told her that Armin had quit the military, she had dreamed about this moment. When she would find him standing by the side of his old mentor and long-time lover, holding the only hand he had left, and acting as the right arm for him, exactly as he had promised when he proclaimed his undying love for the older man.

No. Armin was not there. She made sure she peeked into every room of the Prime Minister's administrative quarter. It made the freckle faced lady who escorted her in very suspicious. She asked Tory if she needed to take a leak and then kindly showed her where the bathroom was.

Poor Tory was never so embarrassed and it took her a whole twenty minutes to recollect her calmness. She did take her time and check about tell-tale signs of any weird activities around the toilets. Nothing suspicious came up. She also dug into all the trash cans for used condoms. None found.

What a pity! A condom used by Commander Erwin in an intimate moment with his beloved Armin. Do they know how much money it could reek in on the black market? No. She would never sell it. She would hold it up high in her hands with all the other fans crawling at her feet and worshiping her like a goddess. That would be her moment. Her moment for life.

The interview itself was boring. Just like she had expected. The prime minister might have promised Hange to answer her questions. But he surely did not promise the truth. Here was a sample of his typical answers-ambiguous and diplomatic as anyone would expect from a long-time politician.

'How long were you and the Corporal lovers?'

'No. Never.'

To a question starting with the words 'how long', most people would answer, two days, a year, 20 summers, something like that, right? What type of answer was 'Never'? That was so political.

'Was he very feisty in bed?'

'That question you should ask his wife. I am sure she will be more than glad to oblige you with an answer. Just as she has promised. In fact, you might even get her to share some details with you. That woman. A true Aberrant.' The Prime Minister chuckled.

Tory quickly translated the Prime Minister's words into the language she and her fellow fans could understand.

'Eren does not mind talking about his love life with the Heichou. In fact he loves bragging about how great the Heichou is in bed. Their sex life is very feisty and aberrant. Eren often has to resort to his abilities as a titan. The BDSM stuff.'

'When did you first take Armin as a lover?'

'Armin is not gay, and neither am I.'

Politicians. They were so good at lying. They could look at your eyes and repeat, 'I have never had sex with that man', again and again. Too bad she did not find any used condoms in the bathroom. Nothing to flash right into their faces.

'Is it true that Armin's skin is as smooth as the back of a newborn baby?' A trick question. She was sure that she would get him.

'I don't know. You have to ask his ex-girlfriends, or better, why not just become his girlfriend, and you will know by first hand?'

Creepy old man. As if she would fall for a trap like that?

The last but not the least question.

'Which is your favorite? Boxer or brief?'

That question almost made the old man chuckle. 'I am a wrinkled up old man. Sixty years old. I am sure none of your readers would want to know about it. Even if they do want, my old wife would give me a hard time if I ever answered that question in public.'

Ha! Gotcha! Armin did not like it, right? Tory quickly jotted down the following words in her notebook:

_Erwin's love name for Armin-my old wife. Preference of underwear. Unknown. Armin does not like people to know about it. Could it be that he secretly have Erwin wear panties all the time? Possibly. If so, what style? I would vote for leopard spots. It goes well with the color of the Commander's hair and symbolizes his virility that Armin loves to enjoy._


	4. Chapter 4

The second time at the Congress was a charm.

The press liaison lady did not even look at her application. Tory was worried that she might wave her out, but instead, she showed her the way in herself, escorting her all the way to Congressman Yeager's offices.

The truth was that she was glad that she did not get to work on political journalism. She was waiting to hear from a political journal when she got the job offer at the small paparazzi magazine. It was not a difficult decision. As a true fan of the Scout Legion, she literally jumped at the opportunity to cover her beloved heroes in person for the rest of her life. But sometimes she regretted her decision when things got tough and life became difficult.

But the walk through the capitol hill completely changed her mind and showed her how lucky she was. The place was like a labyrinth. She would never be able to find her way through this place by herself-staking out across the street from the headquarter at the Hange-Rivaille group seemed much more pleasant than being shoved and pushed by all the people rushing their way around.

To her surprise, Congressman Yeager's office looked more like a crowded summer camp than the official quarters of a political dignity. Couches and cots were spreaded all over the place. Paperwork were left everywhere. People rushed in and out. Big white boards thrusted against the walls with stickies of all colors pinned up.

The man welcomed her into the office had to shove some paperwork on one of the couches to the floor so they could sit down.

'Sorry for the mess. There are several filibusters going on and we are also in the campaign mode.' the man scratched his head, which was shaved in the military style. 'The name is Connie Springer. You can just call me Connie. I am the head of the staff here,' he took Tory's hand and gave her a warm and wholehearted hand-shake.

So Connie worked as the head of the staff for Eren now? Not Armin? When she did not see Armin at Erwin's side, she guessed that he might have been here. At Eren's campaign. Where his best friend and childhood lover needed him the most. Working on strategies and schemes to guarantee his win.

So she was really surprised when Armin was nowhere to be found and Connie came forward and announced he was the head honcho of the camp.

This was really big news. Tory quickly jotted that down in her notebook.

Why Connie? It was not that Connie was not good. They were all great heroes. But Connie was no great strategist, not someone up to Armin's caliber. This was very suspicious. Something was going on here. Eren and Connie?

Then it was her Aha moment.

Eren and Connie? How could it be? Life did not only resemble art-life was definitely a lot more exciting than art.

Eren and Connie.

This was absolutely new territory. Completely off her list. But as a true journalist, she was up to the challenge and ready to improvise. She would start with the usual questions, like casually asked Connie what color of panties he would like to see Eren in. She could not wait to see his face when such a bomb was dropped on top of his head. She was sure that he could not help but blurting out the truth, no matter how many years he had squaddled around in politics.

But unfortunately, she was not able to squeeze in any questions. Connie tried very hard to give her his full attention. But the office staff and the campaign aids just came busting in and asked him this question and that question. Signing on this document. Reading up on this press release. The Senator of Hermnia was on the line. The Congressman from Trost had just sent him a note and wanted his response back asap. Eren himself was on the floor putting in the last efforts to get his social reform bill passed. Aids rushing in and out, updating them with the latest news on the main floor.

It was an absolute mess. By the end of the day, everybody was so tired and they just crashed on the couches and cots. But Eren was not done yet. He rushed into the office, grabbed some cold sandwich, waved his hands to Tory, and rushed back out there-to catch up with some senior members of the Economy Committee before they called it a day.

Tory was sound asleep when the press liaison came around to shake her awake. 'Wake up, Miss Ragnar,' the lady apologized, 'everybody had left except Eren, Connie, and some senior members of the staff. They are having a strategy meeting now over there in the conference room. Sorry for your waiting, but I think it is time for you to leave now. It will take these guys couple of more hours to wrap up, and it is already getting too late.'

That was the end of Tory's very long day at the Capitol Hill. When she got back home, it was already in the small hours of the early morning. She should be tired but she was so excited. She immediately pulled out some papers and started to work on her new story for the next issue: the story on Eren and Connie.

How they stood back to back to take on the new Titans, the old crinkled up monsters of the Capitol Hill. Their long and despairing battle. The only thing that kept them going was their love for each other.

She was sure all her readers would be in tears when they read the story just like she was now.


End file.
